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I was a little apprehensive but also drunk, so was like, hey why not. Sophie – “A guy I was seeing once asked me to put a sex toy up his bum. I did – projectile – allllll over him… He was super nice about it but we didn’t see each other for much longer after that…” Kate – “I was super drunk and giving a guy I was seeing head when all of a sudden I felt the urge to vomit. We weren’t even sure who it was for a sec cause there was so much blood.” Rose – “Once when me and my boyfriend were in the middle of doing it it was dark and there seemed to be a lot of… moisture… so I turned on the light and realised one of us had a nose bleed. On his forehead, dripping down his neck, all over the insides of my legs. Obviously I was mortified because I thought it was me and didn’t know what to do, but it turns out he had ruptured a blood vessel in his nose.” Terrifying amounts of blood – it looked like a crime scene. Simone – “One time a guy went down on me, but when he emerged he was COVERED in blood. I had no idea what was happening but it was kind of scary.” Turned out he’d had stitches in his hand and they had burst open.
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Rachael – “A guy was doing it from behind and suddenly I saw blood spray all over the wall in front of me and he was going ‘oh my god, oh my god, oh my god’. (And all names have been changed… because, well, the reasons will became very obvious.) In the “bodily functions” category, we have: We also decided to pool some our own from the Mamamia office, and I now know my colleagues on a level of intimacy I wasn’t quite prepared for.įrom the hilarious, to the shocking, to the “how quickly can I leave the country”, here are the most mortifying sex stories we’ve ever heard, split conveniently into categories for your cringing pleasure. We do, however, want very much to read/laugh/cry at said stories, because pushing ourselves to the very limits of second-hand embarrassment until one day it actually kills us, is what the internet is for, right?